Chance

All my life, I can only remember three chances. I missed the first one because I was unsure. I kept thinking that had I done it, I would have crossed the line. A line that made so much sense at that time. After that, I swore that if the chance came again, I would take it without hesitation.

A year later, I found myself missing the second chance.

I have never been the type to express emotion freely and at that time, again, I thought it would be inappropriate if I just acted what I felt without thinking twice. So I did think twice and the chance slipped away. I cried all the way home.

They said third time is the charm.

I didn’t think much when the third chance came knocking on my door. I took it by hand and kept it in my life for 7 days.

When I missed my first chance, I kept lamenting about how different it would have been had I chosen to follow what I felt instead of what I thought. My third chance showed me exactly how different it was.

I felt fear. I felt confusion. I felt nervousness. I felt familiarity. I felt safe. I felt crazy. I felt stupid. I felt tired. I felt happy. I felt anticipation. I felt pleasure. I felt pain. I felt loss. I felt cherished. I felt respected. I felt encouragement. I felt life. I felt chance.

I felt no regret.

It didn’t give me a happy ending nor did it give me a sad one. It just was. It was experience. It was life.

It was chance.

So whatever happens in the future, I’m glad I took the chance. Whatever happens in our lives, the memory of meeting and being with you will stay with me for as long as I can remember. And you remain one of the best things I’ve ever had.

Thank you.

If Heart Were Engine

If heart were engine, it would have broken and been replaced so many times throughout our lives.
But it's not.
It keeps beating and never stops working for years and years and years.
God works in an amazing way—even in the littlest thing that we fail to notice most of the time.

Be Grateful!

There’s always something to be grateful for.

For these past few months, my days have always been filled with personal stuff, writing thesis, working on research, writing thesis, and more personal stuff. I hardly spend quality time with my Father. And now I grow tired. I’m tired of having to deal with everything on my own. There are times where I have nothing left to say in my prayer and can only cry my eyes out until I fall asleep.
I have a wonderful Father but I can’t pretend I’m okay when I really am not.
Just a few days ago, that sentence popped out of nowhere in my mind, right when I felt really depressed with everything around me. Typical me, I went straight browsing the internet to see just how many people have ever thought about this sentence. There were many of them but this one really struck a chord in me.
As you can read yourself, she even made a list of things that she should be grateful for. Funny how most of the things in her list would soon be in my own list.

“You’re grateful because everything is good” VS “Everything is good because you’re grateful for it”.

I do admit that I tend to think the first sentence more times than the latter. And I’m not proud of it. Till this very second I have to constantly remind myself that it’s good because I’m grateful for it. Her post really blessed me a lot. I know for sure that Father has used her to help me freeing myself from my entangled mind. And I’m grateful for it.
Today, I’ve done something that I never thought I would ever do in my life: applying as a flight attendant.
Of course I’ve said for many times that I wanted to be a stewardess when I was a child but hey, could you really take seriously what a kid says about what she wants to be when she’s only six? I, for one, honestly couldn’t.
I’m still astounded that I actually did send my application.
Regardless I meet their criteria or not—what with me being easy to get motion sickness—I feel grateful that I’ve at least tried to accomplish one of my childhood dreams.
Who knows, just who knows, I might really accomplish it in no time.

Be grateful for something—or MORE—today!