It's hard to stand
On shifting sand
It's hard to shine
In the shadows of the night
You can't be free
If you don't reach for help
And you can't love
If you don't love yourself
But there is hope when my faith runs out...
Cuz I'm in better hands now
[Chorus:]
It's like the sun is shining
When the rain is pourin' down
It's like my soul is flying
Though my feet are on the ground
So take this heart of mine
There's no doubt
I'm in better hands now
I am strong
All because of You
I stand in awe of
Every mountain that You move
I am changed
Yesterday is gone
I am safe
From this moment on...
And there's no fear when the night comes 'round
I'm in better hands now
[Chorus]
It's like the sun is shining
When the rain is pourin' down
It's like my soul is flying
Though my feet are on the ground
It's like the world is silent
Though I know it isn't true
It's like the breath of Jesus
Is right here in this room
So take this heart of mine
There's no doubt
I'm in better hands now
I'm in better hands now
Ray Gasan
- Rinni
- Palangkaraya, Indonesia
- An observer, a listener, simply a royal daughter. I'm precious cause I know I'm loved by the Lord. Love you too, Father..! ♥ Jesus is my passion. Word of God comes first. Banana, cheese, fried peanuts, vegetables, pudding, milk, yoghurt, and fried rice ROCK..! Oh, and taking random pics is fun. My fave moment is when I can make people laugh. Doesn't always work but I'm sooo grateful when it does. =D
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Tim Hughes - Living For Your Glory
What good is it to gain the whole world
But lose your soul?
What good is it to make a sweet sound
But remain proud?
In view of God’s mercy
I offer my all
Take my life let it be everything, all of me
Here I am use me for your glory
In everything I say and do, let my life honour you
Here I am living for your glory
The road I’m on it leads
nowhere without you
And the life I live it finds meaning,
in surrender
In view of God’s mercy
I offer my all
Seeking first the Kingdom
Seeking first the Kingdom of my Lord
Seeking first the Kingdom
Seeking first the Kingdom of my Lord
But lose your soul?
What good is it to make a sweet sound
But remain proud?
In view of God’s mercy
I offer my all
Take my life let it be everything, all of me
Here I am use me for your glory
In everything I say and do, let my life honour you
Here I am living for your glory
The road I’m on it leads
nowhere without you
And the life I live it finds meaning,
in surrender
In view of God’s mercy
I offer my all
Seeking first the Kingdom
Seeking first the Kingdom of my Lord
Seeking first the Kingdom
Seeking first the Kingdom of my Lord
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Ask Help from Your Crush to Get Rid of Your Crush
Have you ever confessed your feelings to someone only so you could get rid of it?
That’s what happened to me.
I don’t expect all of you would actually understand it. You see, this guy and I are in the same fellowship. I liked him because he happens to be my type. Physically, that is. Long story short, I finally realized that I had a huge crush on him because I couldn’t focus whenever we had a fellowship together. His face like haunted me everytime I closed my eyes. In the end, I asked for help from our leader so she could be a mediator between us. I don’t wanna sacrifice my quality time with my heavenly Father just because of such silly thing. And I bet so does him. Thank God, we’re like brother and sister now. I always laugh whenever I remember the time where I was like ‘I don’t think I can do it! It’s impossible for me! Would you help me, please?? I can’t even stand being around you without sweating and nearly having a heart attack!’. And he was like ‘Sure. We’re gonna fight it together. Just do your best and I’ll do mine.’
Haha.. So much for asking help from a crush to get rid of a silly crush.
That’s what happened to me.
I don’t expect all of you would actually understand it. You see, this guy and I are in the same fellowship. I liked him because he happens to be my type. Physically, that is. Long story short, I finally realized that I had a huge crush on him because I couldn’t focus whenever we had a fellowship together. His face like haunted me everytime I closed my eyes. In the end, I asked for help from our leader so she could be a mediator between us. I don’t wanna sacrifice my quality time with my heavenly Father just because of such silly thing. And I bet so does him. Thank God, we’re like brother and sister now. I always laugh whenever I remember the time where I was like ‘I don’t think I can do it! It’s impossible for me! Would you help me, please?? I can’t even stand being around you without sweating and nearly having a heart attack!’. And he was like ‘Sure. We’re gonna fight it together. Just do your best and I’ll do mine.’
Haha.. So much for asking help from a crush to get rid of a silly crush.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
War!!
Whoaa…
=O
It’s really been forever since the last time I post my blog. So…, actually, there’s a lot to tell. I don’t even know if there’s someone out there reading my blog but oh, well. Since I type this on Word, I have plenty of time to arrange my words. Please, bear with me...
=D
I might as well start it from the Christmas days.
Because Santa isn’t real and I wanted to please my family, this time (I couldn’t use ‘this year’ for it’s already 2010 and people might think this blog is written by some kind of lunatic if I insist to) I decided to be a housemaid on the first day. There wasn’t many interesting things happened. I spent Christmas mainly on doing chores. You know, when it comes to dishwasher, I always come in handy.
Please, don’t tell me you don’t note the sarcasm.
Like the year before, there was only one of my many friends who came to my house. Yeyen, my childhood friend since we were in 4th grade.
Yup, that’s her.
=D
I sometimes wonder why it is so hard for them to come to my place. They always say that my house is too far, like, it takes almost half an hour to get to my place.
Right. Like I don’t when I come to theirs.
Oh, but I was feeling better when I could bring—yes, I brought—Maria
too on the second day. That was because I came to her house on the first day and successfully persuaded her to accompany me that night to JJ’s, Yeyen’s, and Mey’s houses.
Yes, I decided to come only to my closest friends’ houses on the first night.. =P
Long story short, Maria and I paid a visit to some of our friends’ houses. And I found this yummy choconut cookies which I fell in love with. I didn’t dare to ask more about those things for the owner of the house is Maria’s friend. But I determine to get the recipe anytime soon!
Oh, and I was a little bit sad when I saw my dad bought a carton of beer. Don’t ask why cause I don’t think you would understand. Bottom line, my friend, is I despise alcohol except the one in Holy Communion.
Next, my final exams that I’ve had several days ago.
I’m not the type who study on regular basis, so I couldn’t just study that hard though it’s exam. I would just flip through the books.
That’s a reeeeaaaally bad habit that I should get rid of.
And the interesting parts began after JJ and I got anointed—in case we lost our minds and made a flower pattern on the answer sheet.
The first day, January 6th, was Research Methodology exam. Though I have been anointed, I wouldn’t lie that I was still a bit worried about how I would answer the whole questions when I haven’t read the book AT ALL. Nevertheless, what has been told to me when I was being anointed brought back my confidence and belief in Him.
=)
The whole time, I surrendered it all to Him. I didn’t understand every single thing that has been written on the paper but the punctuation marks! I wasn’t surprised cause that’s what you get when you didn’t study at all for the exam. What amazed me was how He guided me to answer it all. Oh, how I love my Father…
XD
Aaaaand … here was where the challenges began.
Let me start it from the time when I was still idolizing this senior named Malik. If you read my profile carefully, you’ll find that guy who looks good with glasses is my type. So is him. No, I wasn’t in love with him. And no, I don’t think he notices me too, so stop making my story a fairytale.
Being fidgety around my type is in my nature. If you don’t find me looking nervous at all, draw near to me and touch either my hand or my forehead. Just make sure you bring tissue to wipe your hand afterwards.
For your information, Mr. Toendan, our RM class lecturer, is Malik’s academic advisor. It seemed that Mr. Toendan had asked some of his students to watch the class. Before the exam started, he had divided the class into two groups based on the numbers in attendance list. The odd numbers group and even numbers one. I was in the last group since I was the 80th in the list.
So yes, when I was struggling hard with my exam, that guy had to be there to supervise the exam, along with his other friends. But honestly, his presence didn’t bother me as much as I thought before. Maybe because I was too preoccupied by the whole disaster-like questions. Or maybe just because He didn’t want me to get distracted. =D The point is I passed the day without any more struggles. I don’t think I would get a high score but whatever it may be, I believe that it’s the best for me. Thanks to my Father… XD
January 7th was worse.
No, it wasn’t because of my Father. He, in fact, kept helping me. The thing was I didn’t even know that that day there were two exams, Second Language Acquisition and Evaluation 1. I thought there was only Eva 1.
So I came late and was like ‘I didn’t know that there’s an SLA exam today’ to JJ. I would laugh at her expression if I wasn’t in the state of shocked too. Though it wasn’t her fault, I could feel her sorry for not telling me about the exam (I bet she forgot but oh well) by letting me use her book since it was an open-book exam. And she kept helping me everytime she saw me frowning, till the very last second.
I told you, my Father helped me.
=D
But that’s not the juicy part, mind you.
It’s in Eva 1 exam.
Mr. Toendan was still using his students to watch the groups during the exam.
Sigh.
That day, just the opposite of the day before, he asked the even numbers group to stay in the class while the odd numbers one was told to move to the class next to ours. And I was beyond happy when I realized that that guy didn’t come to supervise our group. Maybe they wanted to handle the groups just like before.
Or so I thought before I finally heard ‘You got an hour to do the exam’ with a familiar voice.
Imagine my surprise when I snapped my head just to see that Malik guy walking into the class looking gorgeous as always.
I mean, why on earth would he suddenly change his mind to supervise our group when his partner the day before didn’t do exactly like he did??
That was not a coincidence. Definitely NOT a coincidence.
How could I be so sure, you ask?
Because he did it when we had started doing the exam. Because he was the only one who changed his position from the next group to ours. Now my turn to ask you: Why didn’t he come to the class from the very beginning to distribute the question and answer sheets just like before instead of coming when we’d already started to do the exam?
Easy.
Because ‘they’ didn’t want to let me pass the day as easily as before.
What? You honestly expected me to say that he quote unquote like me?
Don’t make me laugh.
My Father had made it easy for me to do the exam because I’d studied before (yes, I studied. Don’t be that surprised) and ‘they’ just didn’t like it. I knew it from the very first he came to the class. So when I didn’t have to use my brain as hard as before and got plenty of time to even mumble a song, ‘they’ use him to tempt me. They tempted me. You know, like you tempt a kid with candies, that’s how ‘they’ tempt me with him. I was so grumpy, nervous, annoyed, and, I admit, a bit tempted at that time. I couldn’t focus on the questions as much as I did in RM exam. I had to read the same question over and over again everytime he walked past me or announced how much time left for us to finish our work.
And this was the point where I wanted to weep right there, calling out to my Father, wishing he would take me wherever He wanted but that place:
Right after I finished mumbling a song and was smiling because I just got an answer for the question I was doing, he just had to shout ‘Five minutes more’ that made me snapped my head again to him. JUST. TO. FIND. HIM. SMILING. TO. ME.
WHAT THE #*^$#^&*%$#&&*%*???!!
He never even looked at me the whole semester I was in the same class with him!!
‘They’ played with me.
‘THEY’ PLAYED WITH ME!!!
Arrrgghh….
On second thought, it was more like smiling because he was amused by my reaction. But why it had to be MY reaction that made him amused?? Why not everyone else’???
Right.
They want a war, I’ll give them one.
Let’s see who’s gonna win by the end of the whole things, ‘them’ or me and my Father.
Mwahahahaha…!!
I’ve got to stop writing this before ‘they’ start to attack my mind again.
Just for your information, Tetie, Mega, and Taci were laughing when I told the whole things to them.
I just couldn’t understand which part of my anguish that made me their laughingstock.
-_-;
One thing for sure, I’ve got to post my blog more often. It looks dull.
See you later.
=O
It’s really been forever since the last time I post my blog. So…, actually, there’s a lot to tell. I don’t even know if there’s someone out there reading my blog but oh, well. Since I type this on Word, I have plenty of time to arrange my words. Please, bear with me...
=D
I might as well start it from the Christmas days.
Because Santa isn’t real and I wanted to please my family, this time (I couldn’t use ‘this year’ for it’s already 2010 and people might think this blog is written by some kind of lunatic if I insist to) I decided to be a housemaid on the first day. There wasn’t many interesting things happened. I spent Christmas mainly on doing chores. You know, when it comes to dishwasher, I always come in handy.
Please, don’t tell me you don’t note the sarcasm.
Like the year before, there was only one of my many friends who came to my house. Yeyen, my childhood friend since we were in 4th grade.
Yup, that’s her.
=D
I sometimes wonder why it is so hard for them to come to my place. They always say that my house is too far, like, it takes almost half an hour to get to my place.
Right. Like I don’t when I come to theirs.
Oh, but I was feeling better when I could bring—yes, I brought—Maria
too on the second day. That was because I came to her house on the first day and successfully persuaded her to accompany me that night to JJ’s, Yeyen’s, and Mey’s houses.
Yes, I decided to come only to my closest friends’ houses on the first night.. =P
Long story short, Maria and I paid a visit to some of our friends’ houses. And I found this yummy choconut cookies which I fell in love with. I didn’t dare to ask more about those things for the owner of the house is Maria’s friend. But I determine to get the recipe anytime soon!
Oh, and I was a little bit sad when I saw my dad bought a carton of beer. Don’t ask why cause I don’t think you would understand. Bottom line, my friend, is I despise alcohol except the one in Holy Communion.
Next, my final exams that I’ve had several days ago.
I’m not the type who study on regular basis, so I couldn’t just study that hard though it’s exam. I would just flip through the books.
That’s a reeeeaaaally bad habit that I should get rid of.
And the interesting parts began after JJ and I got anointed—in case we lost our minds and made a flower pattern on the answer sheet.
The first day, January 6th, was Research Methodology exam. Though I have been anointed, I wouldn’t lie that I was still a bit worried about how I would answer the whole questions when I haven’t read the book AT ALL. Nevertheless, what has been told to me when I was being anointed brought back my confidence and belief in Him.
=)
The whole time, I surrendered it all to Him. I didn’t understand every single thing that has been written on the paper but the punctuation marks! I wasn’t surprised cause that’s what you get when you didn’t study at all for the exam. What amazed me was how He guided me to answer it all. Oh, how I love my Father…
XD
Aaaaand … here was where the challenges began.
Let me start it from the time when I was still idolizing this senior named Malik. If you read my profile carefully, you’ll find that guy who looks good with glasses is my type. So is him. No, I wasn’t in love with him. And no, I don’t think he notices me too, so stop making my story a fairytale.
Being fidgety around my type is in my nature. If you don’t find me looking nervous at all, draw near to me and touch either my hand or my forehead. Just make sure you bring tissue to wipe your hand afterwards.
For your information, Mr. Toendan, our RM class lecturer, is Malik’s academic advisor. It seemed that Mr. Toendan had asked some of his students to watch the class. Before the exam started, he had divided the class into two groups based on the numbers in attendance list. The odd numbers group and even numbers one. I was in the last group since I was the 80th in the list.
So yes, when I was struggling hard with my exam, that guy had to be there to supervise the exam, along with his other friends. But honestly, his presence didn’t bother me as much as I thought before. Maybe because I was too preoccupied by the whole disaster-like questions. Or maybe just because He didn’t want me to get distracted. =D The point is I passed the day without any more struggles. I don’t think I would get a high score but whatever it may be, I believe that it’s the best for me. Thanks to my Father… XD
January 7th was worse.
No, it wasn’t because of my Father. He, in fact, kept helping me. The thing was I didn’t even know that that day there were two exams, Second Language Acquisition and Evaluation 1. I thought there was only Eva 1.
So I came late and was like ‘I didn’t know that there’s an SLA exam today’ to JJ. I would laugh at her expression if I wasn’t in the state of shocked too. Though it wasn’t her fault, I could feel her sorry for not telling me about the exam (I bet she forgot but oh well) by letting me use her book since it was an open-book exam. And she kept helping me everytime she saw me frowning, till the very last second.
I told you, my Father helped me.
=D
But that’s not the juicy part, mind you.
It’s in Eva 1 exam.
Mr. Toendan was still using his students to watch the groups during the exam.
Sigh.
That day, just the opposite of the day before, he asked the even numbers group to stay in the class while the odd numbers one was told to move to the class next to ours. And I was beyond happy when I realized that that guy didn’t come to supervise our group. Maybe they wanted to handle the groups just like before.
Or so I thought before I finally heard ‘You got an hour to do the exam’ with a familiar voice.
Imagine my surprise when I snapped my head just to see that Malik guy walking into the class looking gorgeous as always.
I mean, why on earth would he suddenly change his mind to supervise our group when his partner the day before didn’t do exactly like he did??
That was not a coincidence. Definitely NOT a coincidence.
How could I be so sure, you ask?
Because he did it when we had started doing the exam. Because he was the only one who changed his position from the next group to ours. Now my turn to ask you: Why didn’t he come to the class from the very beginning to distribute the question and answer sheets just like before instead of coming when we’d already started to do the exam?
Easy.
Because ‘they’ didn’t want to let me pass the day as easily as before.
What? You honestly expected me to say that he quote unquote like me?
Don’t make me laugh.
My Father had made it easy for me to do the exam because I’d studied before (yes, I studied. Don’t be that surprised) and ‘they’ just didn’t like it. I knew it from the very first he came to the class. So when I didn’t have to use my brain as hard as before and got plenty of time to even mumble a song, ‘they’ use him to tempt me. They tempted me. You know, like you tempt a kid with candies, that’s how ‘they’ tempt me with him. I was so grumpy, nervous, annoyed, and, I admit, a bit tempted at that time. I couldn’t focus on the questions as much as I did in RM exam. I had to read the same question over and over again everytime he walked past me or announced how much time left for us to finish our work.
And this was the point where I wanted to weep right there, calling out to my Father, wishing he would take me wherever He wanted but that place:
Right after I finished mumbling a song and was smiling because I just got an answer for the question I was doing, he just had to shout ‘Five minutes more’ that made me snapped my head again to him. JUST. TO. FIND. HIM. SMILING. TO. ME.
WHAT THE #*^$#^&*%$#&&*%*???!!
He never even looked at me the whole semester I was in the same class with him!!
‘They’ played with me.
‘THEY’ PLAYED WITH ME!!!
Arrrgghh….
On second thought, it was more like smiling because he was amused by my reaction. But why it had to be MY reaction that made him amused?? Why not everyone else’???
Right.
They want a war, I’ll give them one.
Let’s see who’s gonna win by the end of the whole things, ‘them’ or me and my Father.
Mwahahahaha…!!
I’ve got to stop writing this before ‘they’ start to attack my mind again.
Just for your information, Tetie, Mega, and Taci were laughing when I told the whole things to them.
I just couldn’t understand which part of my anguish that made me their laughingstock.
-_-;
One thing for sure, I’ve got to post my blog more often. It looks dull.
See you later.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Love: A Reason To Love
All these time, I’ve always questioned myself: How can I be so sure in Him? Which part in the Holy Bible that states reasons why I should believe in Him?
I spent almost 20 years dwelling on it and in just one second in a night, it struck me.
It’s love.
Of course I have to read the Holy Bible to know Him more, but it doesn’t take every single word in it for me to understand the main part in Him. It doesn’t require you to be a genius to comprehend it. It doesn’t ask you to go through exactly all the things He had gone but one thing: to understand the love in Him.
You know, I’ve always been dying to be someone ‘known’ that can influence many people as much as I can in pursuit of His promises but no—everytime I push my way harder, it always got me pressed back more. It press me till I’m tired. It press me till I’m unable to move my heart. It press me till the point I think I’m gonna let it go right then.
I now realize that He doesn’t want me to force myself more than I’m able to do. All He’s after is my heart. All my heart to believe in Him. All my heart to love Him.
I might not be able to love Him the way He does but all I can say is it’s the best I could give to Him.
From the beginning, all I have is His. Everything I am is His. Now all I can give is all the best I can do.
Let’s just be honest.
I never know what I’m gonna be for five, ten, twenty years later. I don’t even know what I’m gonna do in the next minute. I might still walk beside Him. I might leave Him in an instant. To think that I would PROBABLY be the one who betray Him is killing me. I don’t wanna be the one who disappoint Him by the end of all things later. But I’m just a human. I’m not somebody who can do everything perfectly. Too many mistakes I’d done and probably would do.
I never know if I’m still alive for the next minute.
And that will always be my reminder everytime I drive myself away from Him: Have I done my best? Have I pleased Him? Have I given all my love to Him? Have I devoted myself in everything I do to Him?
This is my prayer that I will always whisper to Him:
Father… If I haven’t given it all to You, if all I’d done isn’t enough to make You smile then don’t take it all away from me for now. Let me do more things You want me to do. Let me love You more than I’ve already done. Let me put one more smile on Your face.
Don’t cry for me. I’m not worth a single tear from You. Even the dust around your feet is worth more than all I am. I’m sorry for disappointing You all these time.
Please, give me another chance to make it all up. I know I have asked TOO MANY things from You and yet am not grateful for it, but please, don’t turn Your face away from me. I just can’t do it all without You.
I never know if I’m ever gonna please You but this is all I can do. This is all my best for You. Only for You.
I love You.
I love You.
With love,
Your child.
To The Ends of The Earth
Love unfailing
Overtaking my heart
You take me in
Finding peace again
Fear is lost in all You are
And I would give the world to tell Your story
Cause I know that You’ve called me
I know that You’ve called me
I’ve lost myself for good within Your promise
And I won’t hide it
I won’t hide it
Jesus, I believe in You
And I would go to the ends of the earth
For You alone are the Son of God
And all the world will see that You are God
You are God
I’m mentally worn out for the past week. There’s something happened that has changed the way I think in just one second. Something that the world might think we, people who believe it, are lunatic. Something called ‘miracle’. If you don’t believe in miracle, you can stop reading this. I’m not gonna explain what kind of miracle it is anyway.. =P To be honest, I was shocked the time they told me about it. I mean, really, who in their right mind would believe such impossible thing?? But then again, this is our Father we’re talking about. =]
I needed more than 24 hours to comprehend it until I broke out into tears for it was unbearable. Too many thoughts that I might be going crazy. But of course you know that it’s not the worst possibility. I’m so grateful that I haven’t lost my faith in Him yet. I know that it’s Him that has touched my heart with His love. He’s covered me under His wings, shielded me from any bad thoughts that might intimidate me. I can never find someone like Him for He’s my one and only Father. I know but can you please excuse me for claiming Him mine only in my blog? Thank you.
Back to the point. I was a stranger yet I was heartbroken at that time. I just couldn’t think how much broken his family hearts’ were. These past few days we’ve been struggling, praying, crying, and hoping that He would do exactly what He’s said. Whatever may happen, we choose to keep our faith; trust Him in even every most impossible way. One thing for sure, we can’t use our brain to understand Him. There’s no part of Him that says ‘logics’. People might say we’re stupid, crazy, or whatever helps them sleep at night. It doesn’t matter as long as we are mattered for Him.
So, my brother Yero, keep believing in Him. ^^
If you’re still here now, it’s nothing but because of His love and mercy. He’s everything you’re ever gonna need. He’s our everything. =) God bless you all.. <3
Overtaking my heart
You take me in
Finding peace again
Fear is lost in all You are
And I would give the world to tell Your story
Cause I know that You’ve called me
I know that You’ve called me
I’ve lost myself for good within Your promise
And I won’t hide it
I won’t hide it
Jesus, I believe in You
And I would go to the ends of the earth
For You alone are the Son of God
And all the world will see that You are God
You are God
I’m mentally worn out for the past week. There’s something happened that has changed the way I think in just one second. Something that the world might think we, people who believe it, are lunatic. Something called ‘miracle’. If you don’t believe in miracle, you can stop reading this. I’m not gonna explain what kind of miracle it is anyway.. =P To be honest, I was shocked the time they told me about it. I mean, really, who in their right mind would believe such impossible thing?? But then again, this is our Father we’re talking about. =]
I needed more than 24 hours to comprehend it until I broke out into tears for it was unbearable. Too many thoughts that I might be going crazy. But of course you know that it’s not the worst possibility. I’m so grateful that I haven’t lost my faith in Him yet. I know that it’s Him that has touched my heart with His love. He’s covered me under His wings, shielded me from any bad thoughts that might intimidate me. I can never find someone like Him for He’s my one and only Father. I know but can you please excuse me for claiming Him mine only in my blog? Thank you.
Back to the point. I was a stranger yet I was heartbroken at that time. I just couldn’t think how much broken his family hearts’ were. These past few days we’ve been struggling, praying, crying, and hoping that He would do exactly what He’s said. Whatever may happen, we choose to keep our faith; trust Him in even every most impossible way. One thing for sure, we can’t use our brain to understand Him. There’s no part of Him that says ‘logics’. People might say we’re stupid, crazy, or whatever helps them sleep at night. It doesn’t matter as long as we are mattered for Him.
So, my brother Yero, keep believing in Him. ^^
If you’re still here now, it’s nothing but because of His love and mercy. He’s everything you’re ever gonna need. He’s our everything. =) God bless you all.. <3
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