Jen Brown, Mom, nature lover, writer, nerd.
93 upvotes by Rinni Astuti, Martino Ciresa, Madeleine Bolger, (more)
Removing the struggle from your child's life.
It's SO hard to watch them struggle but they need to learn how to cope with struggle itself as it is our best teacher.
When my oldest was about nine months old he still wasn't crawling. He was still technically my foster child at that point and we had a home nurse that came monthly to check on us. I asked her about the crawling and she pointed out how I had him sitting in a circle of toys that were all within his reach. He was happy and had no need to learn to crawl because life was being handed to him. She went over and pulled the toys away from his little circle of blanket. He of course cried and then I cried and she just kept me from giving the toys back. I told her that with his vision issues he could no longer see the toys and she didn't care and continued to hold me back. Well he didn't just magically start crawling but he did stop crying and start exploring.
You have to allow your children to struggle!
I use this story often with them when they think I'm being mean for not helping with something. I explain that sometimes as their mother it is my job to let them cry and figure things out for themselves. I'm not sure they fully understand it yet but when they're older they will.
I adore my kids so I don't solve all of their problems.
This makes me wonder if all this time I've been living a very sheltered life. I don't always get what I want but whatever I need, I get.
My mom has been a major influence in my life. However, I argued with my mom last week. It wasn't the first time but it was worse than it has ever been. At that time, I felt so pressured that I just blurted out words that a daughter is not supposed to say to her mother. I cried so hard that I felt no energy left that day. I thought, "How can she expect too much from me when I can only do so much?"
I was torn between trying to understand what she thinks is the best for me and trying to do what I think is the best for me. I know it is my life but you can't help wondering if your parents can make better decision for you. They've been living longer than their children after all -- they would at least have more wisdom than you do. On the other hand, I also think that some parents are just trying to make their children live the life that they can't live. My mom might or might not be included. One of the jobs that she suggested to me is work in a bank. When I asked why, she just said that it had been her dream to work there, what with all the sleek uniform and big bonus at the end of the year. I was obviously dumbfounded.
The things between me and my mom is a little better now. I said 'little' because I haven't said sorry to her for saying 'those' things. I just don't know how to. The same goes with "I love you" and "Thank you". Everybody knows those three magic statements, along with "Please". The thing is when you're close with somebody (mostly family members), you tend to dismiss the importance of saying these statements. You think that they would understand without you even saying them. You can always show it by action. This might be true. However, do you show the right action that conveys those statements? Hardly. I know I don't. Saying "Please" is easy. Other three are not. I really wanna say them at least once in a while, but they feel so foreign I just can't bring myself to.
Until now, I'm still trying to figure things out. I don't wanna miss out things in life, yet I don't wanna disappoint my mom. Somehow, it's somewhere on the top of the list. Not wanting to disappoint my mom, it is. See, I lost my dad when I had yet to understand the concept of making your parents proud. Now that my mom is the only (biological) parent I have left, it's just in my nature to try to please her as best as I can. I just hope that someday I will finally understand her position as a mother.
