Love: A Reason To Love

All these time, I’ve always questioned myself: How can I be so sure in Him? Which part in the Holy Bible that states reasons why I should believe in Him?
I spent almost 20 years dwelling on it and in just one second in a night, it struck me.
It’s love.
Of course I have to read the Holy Bible to know Him more, but it doesn’t take every single word in it for me to understand the main part in Him. It doesn’t require you to be a genius to comprehend it. It doesn’t ask you to go through exactly all the things He had gone but one thing: to understand the love in Him.
You know, I’ve always been dying to be someone ‘known’ that can influence many people as much as I can in pursuit of His promises but no—everytime I push my way harder, it always got me pressed back more. It press me till I’m tired. It press me till I’m unable to move my heart. It press me till the point I think I’m gonna let it go right then.
I now realize that He doesn’t want me to force myself more than I’m able to do. All He’s after is my heart. All my heart to believe in Him. All my heart to love Him.
I might not be able to love Him the way He does but all I can say is it’s the best I could give to Him.
From the beginning, all I have is His. Everything I am is His. Now all I can give is all the best I can do.
Let’s just be honest.
I never know what I’m gonna be for five, ten, twenty years later. I don’t even know what I’m gonna do in the next minute. I might still walk beside Him. I might leave Him in an instant. To think that I would PROBABLY be the one who betray Him is killing me. I don’t wanna be the one who disappoint Him by the end of all things later. But I’m just a human. I’m not somebody who can do everything perfectly. Too many mistakes I’d done and probably would do.
I never know if I’m still alive for the next minute.
And that will always be my reminder everytime I drive myself away from Him: Have I done my best? Have I pleased Him? Have I given all my love to Him? Have I devoted myself in everything I do to Him?

This is my prayer that I will always whisper to Him:
Father… If I haven’t given it all to You, if all I’d done isn’t enough to make You smile then don’t take it all away from me for now. Let me do more things You want me to do. Let me love You more than I’ve already done. Let me put one more smile on Your face.
Don’t cry for me. I’m not worth a single tear from You. Even the dust around your feet is worth more than all I am. I’m sorry for disappointing You all these time.
Please, give me another chance to make it all up. I know I have asked TOO MANY things from You and yet am not grateful for it, but please, don’t turn Your face away from me. I just can’t do it all without You.
I never know if I’m ever gonna please You but this is all I can do. This is all my best for You. Only for You.
I love You.
I love You.
With love,
Your child.