Chance

All my life, I can only remember three chances. I missed the first one because I was unsure. I kept thinking that had I done it, I would have crossed the line. A line that made so much sense at that time. After that, I swore that if the chance came again, I would take it without hesitation.

A year later, I found myself missing the second chance.

I have never been the type to express emotion freely and at that time, again, I thought it would be inappropriate if I just acted what I felt without thinking twice. So I did think twice and the chance slipped away. I cried all the way home.

They said third time is the charm.

I didn’t think much when the third chance came knocking on my door. I took it by hand and kept it in my life for 7 days.

When I missed my first chance, I kept lamenting about how different it would have been had I chosen to follow what I felt instead of what I thought. My third chance showed me exactly how different it was.

I felt fear. I felt confusion. I felt nervousness. I felt familiarity. I felt safe. I felt crazy. I felt stupid. I felt tired. I felt happy. I felt anticipation. I felt pleasure. I felt pain. I felt loss. I felt cherished. I felt respected. I felt encouragement. I felt life. I felt chance.

I felt no regret.

It didn’t give me a happy ending nor did it give me a sad one. It just was. It was experience. It was life.

It was chance.

So whatever happens in the future, I’m glad I took the chance. Whatever happens in our lives, the memory of meeting and being with you will stay with me for as long as I can remember. And you remain one of the best things I’ve ever had.

Thank you.

If Heart Were Engine

If heart were engine, it would have broken and been replaced so many times throughout our lives.
But it's not.
It keeps beating and never stops working for years and years and years.
God works in an amazing way—even in the littlest thing that we fail to notice most of the time.

River cruise, go!

A beautiful pinkish sunset, isn’t it?
It was on Rungan river.
On my first river cruise.
As a tour guide.
……
…………
…………………
Pfft.
Who am I kidding?
I’m still a trainee—a tour guide in the making—and all I did on my first cruise was eat, sleep, and occasional talk.
Now if that isn't guilty pleasure then I don't know what is.
I mean, dude, the cook is reaaaaaaally good in cooking! And a creative one to boot. I'm sooooo asking for all the recipes from him.
Anyway, we hosted two Australian men on the boat for three days and two nights. It's always been hard for me to strike up a conversation with elderlies so I thought it was going to be the same with them.
It definitely wasn't.
They're a pair of ...... odd friends. Their characters are so different I wonder how they can maintain the good friendship. I honestly envy their friendship. I'm very grateful though that we had them as guests on my first cruise. In fact, they were actually very caring and gave me some good advice. =)
And orangutans are reeeeeally cute~ If I could I would hug them! XD
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This post was actually made in 2013. Don't know why I didn't post it at the time. Lucky I checked my draft. I lost the picture already so it's good that at least it's here. Hahaha!

Of Emotion, Expression, and Decision

I copied and pasted this post from Quora. It struck a chord in me that I just feel the need to re-post it in my blog.

Jen Brown, Mom, nature lover, writer, nerd.
93 upvotes by Rinni Astuti, Martino Ciresa, Madeleine Bolger, (more)
Removing the struggle from your child's life.

It's SO hard to watch them struggle but they need to learn how to cope with struggle itself as it is our best teacher.

When my oldest was about nine months old he still wasn't crawling. He was still technically my foster child at that point and we had a home nurse that came monthly to check on us. I asked her about the crawling and she pointed out how I had him sitting in a circle of toys that were all within his reach. He was happy and had no need to learn to crawl because life was being handed to him. She went over and pulled the toys away from his little circle of blanket. He of course cried and then I cried and she just kept me from giving the toys back. I told her that with his vision issues he could no longer see the toys and she didn't care and continued to hold me back. Well he didn't just magically start crawling but he did stop crying and start exploring.

You have to allow your children to struggle!

I use this story often with them when they think I'm being mean for not helping with something. I explain that sometimes as their mother it is my job to let them cry and figure things out for themselves. I'm not sure they fully understand it yet but when they're older they will.

I adore my kids so I don't solve all of their problems.

This makes me wonder if all this time I've been living a very sheltered life. I don't always get what I want but whatever I need, I get.

My mom has been a major influence in my life. However, I argued with my mom last week. It wasn't the first time but it was worse than it has ever been. At that time, I felt so pressured that I just blurted out words that a daughter is not supposed to say to her mother. I cried so hard that I felt no energy left that day. I thought, "How can she expect too much from me when I can only do so much?"

I was torn between trying to understand what she thinks is the best for me and trying to do what I think is the best for me. I know it is my life but you can't help wondering if your parents can make better decision for you. They've been living longer than their children after all -- they would at least have more wisdom than you do. On the other hand, I also think that some parents are just trying to make their children live the life that they can't live. My mom might or might not be included. One of the jobs that she suggested to me is work in a bank. When I asked why, she just said that it had been her dream to work there, what with all the sleek uniform and big bonus at the end of the year. I was obviously dumbfounded.

The things between me and my mom is a little better now. I said 'little' because I haven't said sorry to her for saying 'those' things. I just don't know how to. The same goes with "I love you" and "Thank you". Everybody knows those three magic statements, along with "Please". The thing is when you're close with somebody (mostly family members), you tend to dismiss the importance of saying these statements. You think that they would understand without you even saying them. You can always show it by action. This might be true. However, do you show the right action that conveys those statements? Hardly. I know I don't. Saying "Please" is easy. Other three are not. I really wanna say them at least once in a while, but they feel so foreign I just can't bring myself to.

Until now, I'm still trying to figure things out. I don't wanna miss out things in life, yet I don't wanna disappoint my mom. Somehow, it's somewhere on the top of the list. Not wanting to disappoint my mom, it is. See, I lost my dad when I had yet to understand the concept of making your parents proud. Now that my mom is the only (biological) parent I have left, it's just in my nature to try to please her as best as I can. I just hope that someday I will finally understand her position as a mother.

Guiltless Pleasure

I'm going to make Telang Pedas Asam Manis today!!

Or tomorrow.

.........

So much for a post after not writing for so long.
OTL

A Tale of Facebook and a Small Carton of Strawberry Milk

I went to a minimart this morning and was only going to buy two bottles of Yakult but then, ouf of the blue, this owner lady asked me to teach her how to open her Facebook account.
Yes, Facebook. You read it right.
I actually burst into laughter right there and then. She doesn't come across as someone who would spend her free time with playing Facebook but apparently I was wrong. She has her own definition of fun too.
She said a friend of her has made an account there for her so she could stay in touch with old friends and colleagues. The problem was she didn't know how to use it. And there was where I came as a knight in shining armor to rescue her damsel-in-distress self...
I spent almost an hour to finally be able to access her account.
All because of her touch screen phone and my clumsy finger.
Yes, I kept accidentally clicking on the wrong place and messing things up. I did a victory dance mentally when I was done.
But here was the best part: I got a free small carton a strawberry milk!!



Hahahaha!
Yes, I LOOOOOOOOVE milk. Sue me and my appointed attorney will karate kick you.

Must Endure!

Another revision to do.
And Mom just called, testing my patience as always.
I could lose my temper sometimes at her snarky remarks but I know exactly she means good. She only wants me to finish my studies just in time. Should I say I'm grateful to have a nagging mother like she is? Hahaha! XD

It's day three and I'm still waiting patiently for that certain call. ;)

Been sleeping like a baby for the last two nights~ ^^
Sleeping with the lights off is the BEST. Can't believe I was in denial for 22 years.

That's it. I'm gonna keep updating my blog from now on, though may not on daily basis.

Anyway...
April Graduation, I'm comiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing......!!!!