Have you ever confessed your feelings to someone only so you could get rid of it?
That’s what happened to me.
I don’t expect all of you would actually understand it. You see, this guy and I are in the same fellowship. I liked him because he happens to be my type. Physically, that is. Long story short, I finally realized that I had a huge crush on him because I couldn’t focus whenever we had a fellowship together. His face like haunted me everytime I closed my eyes. In the end, I asked for help from our leader so she could be a mediator between us. I don’t wanna sacrifice my quality time with my heavenly Father just because of such silly thing. And I bet so does him. Thank God, we’re like brother and sister now. I always laugh whenever I remember the time where I was like ‘I don’t think I can do it! It’s impossible for me! Would you help me, please?? I can’t even stand being around you without sweating and nearly having a heart attack!’. And he was like ‘Sure. We’re gonna fight it together. Just do your best and I’ll do mine.’
Haha.. So much for asking help from a crush to get rid of a silly crush.
Ray Gasan
- Rinni
- Palangkaraya, Indonesia
- An observer, a listener, simply a royal daughter. I'm precious cause I know I'm loved by the Lord. Love you too, Father..! ♥ Jesus is my passion. Word of God comes first. Banana, cheese, fried peanuts, vegetables, pudding, milk, yoghurt, and fried rice ROCK..! Oh, and taking random pics is fun. My fave moment is when I can make people laugh. Doesn't always work but I'm sooo grateful when it does. =D
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
War!!
Whoaa…
=O
It’s really been forever since the last time I post my blog. So…, actually, there’s a lot to tell. I don’t even know if there’s someone out there reading my blog but oh, well. Since I type this on Word, I have plenty of time to arrange my words. Please, bear with me...
=D
I might as well start it from the Christmas days.
Because Santa isn’t real and I wanted to please my family, this time (I couldn’t use ‘this year’ for it’s already 2010 and people might think this blog is written by some kind of lunatic if I insist to) I decided to be a housemaid on the first day. There wasn’t many interesting things happened. I spent Christmas mainly on doing chores. You know, when it comes to dishwasher, I always come in handy.
Please, don’t tell me you don’t note the sarcasm.
Like the year before, there was only one of my many friends who came to my house. Yeyen, my childhood friend since we were in 4th grade.
Yup, that’s her.
=D
I sometimes wonder why it is so hard for them to come to my place. They always say that my house is too far, like, it takes almost half an hour to get to my place.
Right. Like I don’t when I come to theirs.
Oh, but I was feeling better when I could bring—yes, I brought—Maria
too on the second day. That was because I came to her house on the first day and successfully persuaded her to accompany me that night to JJ’s, Yeyen’s, and Mey’s houses.
Yes, I decided to come only to my closest friends’ houses on the first night.. =P
Long story short, Maria and I paid a visit to some of our friends’ houses. And I found this yummy choconut cookies which I fell in love with. I didn’t dare to ask more about those things for the owner of the house is Maria’s friend. But I determine to get the recipe anytime soon!
Oh, and I was a little bit sad when I saw my dad bought a carton of beer. Don’t ask why cause I don’t think you would understand. Bottom line, my friend, is I despise alcohol except the one in Holy Communion.
Next, my final exams that I’ve had several days ago.
I’m not the type who study on regular basis, so I couldn’t just study that hard though it’s exam. I would just flip through the books.
That’s a reeeeaaaally bad habit that I should get rid of.
And the interesting parts began after JJ and I got anointed—in case we lost our minds and made a flower pattern on the answer sheet.
The first day, January 6th, was Research Methodology exam. Though I have been anointed, I wouldn’t lie that I was still a bit worried about how I would answer the whole questions when I haven’t read the book AT ALL. Nevertheless, what has been told to me when I was being anointed brought back my confidence and belief in Him.
=)
The whole time, I surrendered it all to Him. I didn’t understand every single thing that has been written on the paper but the punctuation marks! I wasn’t surprised cause that’s what you get when you didn’t study at all for the exam. What amazed me was how He guided me to answer it all. Oh, how I love my Father…
XD
Aaaaand … here was where the challenges began.
Let me start it from the time when I was still idolizing this senior named Malik. If you read my profile carefully, you’ll find that guy who looks good with glasses is my type. So is him. No, I wasn’t in love with him. And no, I don’t think he notices me too, so stop making my story a fairytale.
Being fidgety around my type is in my nature. If you don’t find me looking nervous at all, draw near to me and touch either my hand or my forehead. Just make sure you bring tissue to wipe your hand afterwards.
For your information, Mr. Toendan, our RM class lecturer, is Malik’s academic advisor. It seemed that Mr. Toendan had asked some of his students to watch the class. Before the exam started, he had divided the class into two groups based on the numbers in attendance list. The odd numbers group and even numbers one. I was in the last group since I was the 80th in the list.
So yes, when I was struggling hard with my exam, that guy had to be there to supervise the exam, along with his other friends. But honestly, his presence didn’t bother me as much as I thought before. Maybe because I was too preoccupied by the whole disaster-like questions. Or maybe just because He didn’t want me to get distracted. =D The point is I passed the day without any more struggles. I don’t think I would get a high score but whatever it may be, I believe that it’s the best for me. Thanks to my Father… XD
January 7th was worse.
No, it wasn’t because of my Father. He, in fact, kept helping me. The thing was I didn’t even know that that day there were two exams, Second Language Acquisition and Evaluation 1. I thought there was only Eva 1.
So I came late and was like ‘I didn’t know that there’s an SLA exam today’ to JJ. I would laugh at her expression if I wasn’t in the state of shocked too. Though it wasn’t her fault, I could feel her sorry for not telling me about the exam (I bet she forgot but oh well) by letting me use her book since it was an open-book exam. And she kept helping me everytime she saw me frowning, till the very last second.
I told you, my Father helped me.
=D
But that’s not the juicy part, mind you.
It’s in Eva 1 exam.
Mr. Toendan was still using his students to watch the groups during the exam.
Sigh.
That day, just the opposite of the day before, he asked the even numbers group to stay in the class while the odd numbers one was told to move to the class next to ours. And I was beyond happy when I realized that that guy didn’t come to supervise our group. Maybe they wanted to handle the groups just like before.
Or so I thought before I finally heard ‘You got an hour to do the exam’ with a familiar voice.
Imagine my surprise when I snapped my head just to see that Malik guy walking into the class looking gorgeous as always.
I mean, why on earth would he suddenly change his mind to supervise our group when his partner the day before didn’t do exactly like he did??
That was not a coincidence. Definitely NOT a coincidence.
How could I be so sure, you ask?
Because he did it when we had started doing the exam. Because he was the only one who changed his position from the next group to ours. Now my turn to ask you: Why didn’t he come to the class from the very beginning to distribute the question and answer sheets just like before instead of coming when we’d already started to do the exam?
Easy.
Because ‘they’ didn’t want to let me pass the day as easily as before.
What? You honestly expected me to say that he quote unquote like me?
Don’t make me laugh.
My Father had made it easy for me to do the exam because I’d studied before (yes, I studied. Don’t be that surprised) and ‘they’ just didn’t like it. I knew it from the very first he came to the class. So when I didn’t have to use my brain as hard as before and got plenty of time to even mumble a song, ‘they’ use him to tempt me. They tempted me. You know, like you tempt a kid with candies, that’s how ‘they’ tempt me with him. I was so grumpy, nervous, annoyed, and, I admit, a bit tempted at that time. I couldn’t focus on the questions as much as I did in RM exam. I had to read the same question over and over again everytime he walked past me or announced how much time left for us to finish our work.
And this was the point where I wanted to weep right there, calling out to my Father, wishing he would take me wherever He wanted but that place:
Right after I finished mumbling a song and was smiling because I just got an answer for the question I was doing, he just had to shout ‘Five minutes more’ that made me snapped my head again to him. JUST. TO. FIND. HIM. SMILING. TO. ME.
WHAT THE #*^$#^&*%$#&&*%*???!!
He never even looked at me the whole semester I was in the same class with him!!
‘They’ played with me.
‘THEY’ PLAYED WITH ME!!!
Arrrgghh….
On second thought, it was more like smiling because he was amused by my reaction. But why it had to be MY reaction that made him amused?? Why not everyone else’???
Right.
They want a war, I’ll give them one.
Let’s see who’s gonna win by the end of the whole things, ‘them’ or me and my Father.
Mwahahahaha…!!
I’ve got to stop writing this before ‘they’ start to attack my mind again.
Just for your information, Tetie, Mega, and Taci were laughing when I told the whole things to them.
I just couldn’t understand which part of my anguish that made me their laughingstock.
-_-;
One thing for sure, I’ve got to post my blog more often. It looks dull.
See you later.
=O
It’s really been forever since the last time I post my blog. So…, actually, there’s a lot to tell. I don’t even know if there’s someone out there reading my blog but oh, well. Since I type this on Word, I have plenty of time to arrange my words. Please, bear with me...
=D
I might as well start it from the Christmas days.
Because Santa isn’t real and I wanted to please my family, this time (I couldn’t use ‘this year’ for it’s already 2010 and people might think this blog is written by some kind of lunatic if I insist to) I decided to be a housemaid on the first day. There wasn’t many interesting things happened. I spent Christmas mainly on doing chores. You know, when it comes to dishwasher, I always come in handy.
Please, don’t tell me you don’t note the sarcasm.
Like the year before, there was only one of my many friends who came to my house. Yeyen, my childhood friend since we were in 4th grade.
Yup, that’s her.
=D
I sometimes wonder why it is so hard for them to come to my place. They always say that my house is too far, like, it takes almost half an hour to get to my place.
Right. Like I don’t when I come to theirs.
Oh, but I was feeling better when I could bring—yes, I brought—Maria
too on the second day. That was because I came to her house on the first day and successfully persuaded her to accompany me that night to JJ’s, Yeyen’s, and Mey’s houses.
Yes, I decided to come only to my closest friends’ houses on the first night.. =P
Long story short, Maria and I paid a visit to some of our friends’ houses. And I found this yummy choconut cookies which I fell in love with. I didn’t dare to ask more about those things for the owner of the house is Maria’s friend. But I determine to get the recipe anytime soon!
Oh, and I was a little bit sad when I saw my dad bought a carton of beer. Don’t ask why cause I don’t think you would understand. Bottom line, my friend, is I despise alcohol except the one in Holy Communion.
Next, my final exams that I’ve had several days ago.
I’m not the type who study on regular basis, so I couldn’t just study that hard though it’s exam. I would just flip through the books.
That’s a reeeeaaaally bad habit that I should get rid of.
And the interesting parts began after JJ and I got anointed—in case we lost our minds and made a flower pattern on the answer sheet.
The first day, January 6th, was Research Methodology exam. Though I have been anointed, I wouldn’t lie that I was still a bit worried about how I would answer the whole questions when I haven’t read the book AT ALL. Nevertheless, what has been told to me when I was being anointed brought back my confidence and belief in Him.
=)
The whole time, I surrendered it all to Him. I didn’t understand every single thing that has been written on the paper but the punctuation marks! I wasn’t surprised cause that’s what you get when you didn’t study at all for the exam. What amazed me was how He guided me to answer it all. Oh, how I love my Father…
XD
Aaaaand … here was where the challenges began.
Let me start it from the time when I was still idolizing this senior named Malik. If you read my profile carefully, you’ll find that guy who looks good with glasses is my type. So is him. No, I wasn’t in love with him. And no, I don’t think he notices me too, so stop making my story a fairytale.
Being fidgety around my type is in my nature. If you don’t find me looking nervous at all, draw near to me and touch either my hand or my forehead. Just make sure you bring tissue to wipe your hand afterwards.
For your information, Mr. Toendan, our RM class lecturer, is Malik’s academic advisor. It seemed that Mr. Toendan had asked some of his students to watch the class. Before the exam started, he had divided the class into two groups based on the numbers in attendance list. The odd numbers group and even numbers one. I was in the last group since I was the 80th in the list.
So yes, when I was struggling hard with my exam, that guy had to be there to supervise the exam, along with his other friends. But honestly, his presence didn’t bother me as much as I thought before. Maybe because I was too preoccupied by the whole disaster-like questions. Or maybe just because He didn’t want me to get distracted. =D The point is I passed the day without any more struggles. I don’t think I would get a high score but whatever it may be, I believe that it’s the best for me. Thanks to my Father… XD
January 7th was worse.
No, it wasn’t because of my Father. He, in fact, kept helping me. The thing was I didn’t even know that that day there were two exams, Second Language Acquisition and Evaluation 1. I thought there was only Eva 1.
So I came late and was like ‘I didn’t know that there’s an SLA exam today’ to JJ. I would laugh at her expression if I wasn’t in the state of shocked too. Though it wasn’t her fault, I could feel her sorry for not telling me about the exam (I bet she forgot but oh well) by letting me use her book since it was an open-book exam. And she kept helping me everytime she saw me frowning, till the very last second.
I told you, my Father helped me.
=D
But that’s not the juicy part, mind you.
It’s in Eva 1 exam.
Mr. Toendan was still using his students to watch the groups during the exam.
Sigh.
That day, just the opposite of the day before, he asked the even numbers group to stay in the class while the odd numbers one was told to move to the class next to ours. And I was beyond happy when I realized that that guy didn’t come to supervise our group. Maybe they wanted to handle the groups just like before.
Or so I thought before I finally heard ‘You got an hour to do the exam’ with a familiar voice.
Imagine my surprise when I snapped my head just to see that Malik guy walking into the class looking gorgeous as always.
I mean, why on earth would he suddenly change his mind to supervise our group when his partner the day before didn’t do exactly like he did??
That was not a coincidence. Definitely NOT a coincidence.
How could I be so sure, you ask?
Because he did it when we had started doing the exam. Because he was the only one who changed his position from the next group to ours. Now my turn to ask you: Why didn’t he come to the class from the very beginning to distribute the question and answer sheets just like before instead of coming when we’d already started to do the exam?
Easy.
Because ‘they’ didn’t want to let me pass the day as easily as before.
What? You honestly expected me to say that he quote unquote like me?
Don’t make me laugh.
My Father had made it easy for me to do the exam because I’d studied before (yes, I studied. Don’t be that surprised) and ‘they’ just didn’t like it. I knew it from the very first he came to the class. So when I didn’t have to use my brain as hard as before and got plenty of time to even mumble a song, ‘they’ use him to tempt me. They tempted me. You know, like you tempt a kid with candies, that’s how ‘they’ tempt me with him. I was so grumpy, nervous, annoyed, and, I admit, a bit tempted at that time. I couldn’t focus on the questions as much as I did in RM exam. I had to read the same question over and over again everytime he walked past me or announced how much time left for us to finish our work.
And this was the point where I wanted to weep right there, calling out to my Father, wishing he would take me wherever He wanted but that place:
Right after I finished mumbling a song and was smiling because I just got an answer for the question I was doing, he just had to shout ‘Five minutes more’ that made me snapped my head again to him. JUST. TO. FIND. HIM. SMILING. TO. ME.
WHAT THE #*^$#^&*%$#&&*%*???!!
He never even looked at me the whole semester I was in the same class with him!!
‘They’ played with me.
‘THEY’ PLAYED WITH ME!!!
Arrrgghh….
On second thought, it was more like smiling because he was amused by my reaction. But why it had to be MY reaction that made him amused?? Why not everyone else’???
Right.
They want a war, I’ll give them one.
Let’s see who’s gonna win by the end of the whole things, ‘them’ or me and my Father.
Mwahahahaha…!!
I’ve got to stop writing this before ‘they’ start to attack my mind again.
Just for your information, Tetie, Mega, and Taci were laughing when I told the whole things to them.
I just couldn’t understand which part of my anguish that made me their laughingstock.
-_-;
One thing for sure, I’ve got to post my blog more often. It looks dull.
See you later.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Love: A Reason To Love
All these time, I’ve always questioned myself: How can I be so sure in Him? Which part in the Holy Bible that states reasons why I should believe in Him?
I spent almost 20 years dwelling on it and in just one second in a night, it struck me.
It’s love.
Of course I have to read the Holy Bible to know Him more, but it doesn’t take every single word in it for me to understand the main part in Him. It doesn’t require you to be a genius to comprehend it. It doesn’t ask you to go through exactly all the things He had gone but one thing: to understand the love in Him.
You know, I’ve always been dying to be someone ‘known’ that can influence many people as much as I can in pursuit of His promises but no—everytime I push my way harder, it always got me pressed back more. It press me till I’m tired. It press me till I’m unable to move my heart. It press me till the point I think I’m gonna let it go right then.
I now realize that He doesn’t want me to force myself more than I’m able to do. All He’s after is my heart. All my heart to believe in Him. All my heart to love Him.
I might not be able to love Him the way He does but all I can say is it’s the best I could give to Him.
From the beginning, all I have is His. Everything I am is His. Now all I can give is all the best I can do.
Let’s just be honest.
I never know what I’m gonna be for five, ten, twenty years later. I don’t even know what I’m gonna do in the next minute. I might still walk beside Him. I might leave Him in an instant. To think that I would PROBABLY be the one who betray Him is killing me. I don’t wanna be the one who disappoint Him by the end of all things later. But I’m just a human. I’m not somebody who can do everything perfectly. Too many mistakes I’d done and probably would do.
I never know if I’m still alive for the next minute.
And that will always be my reminder everytime I drive myself away from Him: Have I done my best? Have I pleased Him? Have I given all my love to Him? Have I devoted myself in everything I do to Him?
This is my prayer that I will always whisper to Him:
Father… If I haven’t given it all to You, if all I’d done isn’t enough to make You smile then don’t take it all away from me for now. Let me do more things You want me to do. Let me love You more than I’ve already done. Let me put one more smile on Your face.
Don’t cry for me. I’m not worth a single tear from You. Even the dust around your feet is worth more than all I am. I’m sorry for disappointing You all these time.
Please, give me another chance to make it all up. I know I have asked TOO MANY things from You and yet am not grateful for it, but please, don’t turn Your face away from me. I just can’t do it all without You.
I never know if I’m ever gonna please You but this is all I can do. This is all my best for You. Only for You.
I love You.
I love You.
With love,
Your child.
To The Ends of The Earth
Love unfailing
Overtaking my heart
You take me in
Finding peace again
Fear is lost in all You are
And I would give the world to tell Your story
Cause I know that You’ve called me
I know that You’ve called me
I’ve lost myself for good within Your promise
And I won’t hide it
I won’t hide it
Jesus, I believe in You
And I would go to the ends of the earth
For You alone are the Son of God
And all the world will see that You are God
You are God
I’m mentally worn out for the past week. There’s something happened that has changed the way I think in just one second. Something that the world might think we, people who believe it, are lunatic. Something called ‘miracle’. If you don’t believe in miracle, you can stop reading this. I’m not gonna explain what kind of miracle it is anyway.. =P To be honest, I was shocked the time they told me about it. I mean, really, who in their right mind would believe such impossible thing?? But then again, this is our Father we’re talking about. =]
I needed more than 24 hours to comprehend it until I broke out into tears for it was unbearable. Too many thoughts that I might be going crazy. But of course you know that it’s not the worst possibility. I’m so grateful that I haven’t lost my faith in Him yet. I know that it’s Him that has touched my heart with His love. He’s covered me under His wings, shielded me from any bad thoughts that might intimidate me. I can never find someone like Him for He’s my one and only Father. I know but can you please excuse me for claiming Him mine only in my blog? Thank you.
Back to the point. I was a stranger yet I was heartbroken at that time. I just couldn’t think how much broken his family hearts’ were. These past few days we’ve been struggling, praying, crying, and hoping that He would do exactly what He’s said. Whatever may happen, we choose to keep our faith; trust Him in even every most impossible way. One thing for sure, we can’t use our brain to understand Him. There’s no part of Him that says ‘logics’. People might say we’re stupid, crazy, or whatever helps them sleep at night. It doesn’t matter as long as we are mattered for Him.
So, my brother Yero, keep believing in Him. ^^
If you’re still here now, it’s nothing but because of His love and mercy. He’s everything you’re ever gonna need. He’s our everything. =) God bless you all.. <3
Overtaking my heart
You take me in
Finding peace again
Fear is lost in all You are
And I would give the world to tell Your story
Cause I know that You’ve called me
I know that You’ve called me
I’ve lost myself for good within Your promise
And I won’t hide it
I won’t hide it
Jesus, I believe in You
And I would go to the ends of the earth
For You alone are the Son of God
And all the world will see that You are God
You are God
I’m mentally worn out for the past week. There’s something happened that has changed the way I think in just one second. Something that the world might think we, people who believe it, are lunatic. Something called ‘miracle’. If you don’t believe in miracle, you can stop reading this. I’m not gonna explain what kind of miracle it is anyway.. =P To be honest, I was shocked the time they told me about it. I mean, really, who in their right mind would believe such impossible thing?? But then again, this is our Father we’re talking about. =]
I needed more than 24 hours to comprehend it until I broke out into tears for it was unbearable. Too many thoughts that I might be going crazy. But of course you know that it’s not the worst possibility. I’m so grateful that I haven’t lost my faith in Him yet. I know that it’s Him that has touched my heart with His love. He’s covered me under His wings, shielded me from any bad thoughts that might intimidate me. I can never find someone like Him for He’s my one and only Father. I know but can you please excuse me for claiming Him mine only in my blog? Thank you.
Back to the point. I was a stranger yet I was heartbroken at that time. I just couldn’t think how much broken his family hearts’ were. These past few days we’ve been struggling, praying, crying, and hoping that He would do exactly what He’s said. Whatever may happen, we choose to keep our faith; trust Him in even every most impossible way. One thing for sure, we can’t use our brain to understand Him. There’s no part of Him that says ‘logics’. People might say we’re stupid, crazy, or whatever helps them sleep at night. It doesn’t matter as long as we are mattered for Him.
So, my brother Yero, keep believing in Him. ^^
If you’re still here now, it’s nothing but because of His love and mercy. He’s everything you’re ever gonna need. He’s our everything. =) God bless you all.. <3
Thursday, September 24, 2009
I Loved My Annoying Friend
You have a friend. An old friend. You haven't met him for like three years. He lives in a different town, far away from where you live now. Didn't keep in touch too cause he's already changed his number and he never tells you the new one. You can never forget about him cause he's a sweet part of your life. Why? Cause he used to be your best guy friend. One day, you found his account on Facebook. You added him and he confirmed. You said hi but he barely replied all your comments. You asked him when he'll come back to town but he never answered. You gave up cause you thought he's already forgotten you. Or worse, he never thinks of you the way you do to him.
Later today, he dropped a comment on your wall. He asked you why you didn't come to his house when he was home.
Man, can I say 'WHAT THE ****??!'?
Isn't it annoying??
More important, no matter how hard I've tried to, I can't shut him out of my life though he never knows how badly I miss him.
I'm an idiot, aren't I?
Seriously, I'm on the verge of tears now.
How I (wish I could) hate him.
Later today, he dropped a comment on your wall. He asked you why you didn't come to his house when he was home.
Man, can I say 'WHAT THE ****??!'?
Isn't it annoying??
More important, no matter how hard I've tried to, I can't shut him out of my life though he never knows how badly I miss him.
I'm an idiot, aren't I?
Seriously, I'm on the verge of tears now.
How I (wish I could) hate him.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Pathetic People and Their Stupid Opinion of Love
Whoever believes in ‘Love is Blind’ is nothing but an idiot.
Really, why do you even say ‘I can’t live without you’ when in fact you DID LIVE before you met him? Doesn’t it mean something to you?
No, it doesn’t cause you’ve been blinded by that so-called-love.
I’m getting tired of people complaining about loves of their lives, like their lives and deaths depend on it.
COME.
ON.
Do I really have to knock some senses to your head?
Why is it so hard for you, especially girls, to use your brain?? In this point, I will put it bluntly: This is why I ADORE guys and HATE girls in term of thinking in the right mind when it comes to love.
Hate me, sue me, I don’t care. And no, I’m not bashing anyone or anything. I’m just saying what I’m feeling now.
Admit it, your world does NOT revolve only around your lover. You have your parents, siblings, and friends who have already loved you before your lover does (or even DID). Why would you want to take your own life just because of some stupid who leave you whenever he feels like doing? He isn’t even worth it!
What? You said I’m only ranting just because I’ve been left by my boyfriend?
LOL.
Sorry to disappoint you but I’ve NEVER had a boyfriend. And no, it’s not because nobody likes me either. Girl, stop making excuses cause you really should make up your mind.
Has it ever crossed your mind that when you’re crying your eyes out because of him like now, he’s probably flirting with another chick out there? No? Then think about it now.
But he said he loved me, you might say. He said he just needed time to think.
The keyword here is ‘loved’. Don’t you realize that it’s in past tense already?
Oh, about that ‘needed time to think’ thing, it’s just an excuse he use to soften the blow of ‘I’m bored of you so I don’t need you anymore. Now move your fat ass out of my face’.
Harsh much?
Yeah, but I think it’s a must. Especially when I’m confronting someone who doesn’t even want to acknowledge the truth just because it hurts more than anything in her imaginary world.
Romeo and Juliet is lame and Cinderella is nothing but a fairytale. No such luck in this world, dude. If you’re looking for a perfect love, you can never find happiness for your entire life.
Nobody is perfect.
Nothing is perfect.
Don’t force yourself to make everything to be what you want it to be. Let your life flows and be thankful for everything that you’ve already had. Man can only proposes, God disposes. He has a plan for each of His beloved children, don’t you know that?
When friends turn to foes and everything goes against, leaves, and disappoints you, He will never let go of your hand no matter what. He always forgives you when you confess, no matter how many times you’ve disappointed Him. Would your lover be willing to forgive your lies and fakes for the hundredth time? Is it not enough for you to see how much He loves you by His crucifixion? He’s already shed his blood at Golghota for you, now tell me, would your lover want to shed his blood for you? Or worse, why would you even want to shed your blood for your lover but NOT for YOUR FATHER? You should know the answer by know.
I don’t know whether I should be angry or sad because of this issue. I shouldn’t even bother to write things about it when I myself don’t even know what love really means.
One thing for sure, I’m not being a bitch; I’m just being rational and I hope you can think twice about love after you read this.
=)
Really, why do you even say ‘I can’t live without you’ when in fact you DID LIVE before you met him? Doesn’t it mean something to you?
No, it doesn’t cause you’ve been blinded by that so-called-love.
I’m getting tired of people complaining about loves of their lives, like their lives and deaths depend on it.
COME.
ON.
Do I really have to knock some senses to your head?
Why is it so hard for you, especially girls, to use your brain?? In this point, I will put it bluntly: This is why I ADORE guys and HATE girls in term of thinking in the right mind when it comes to love.
Hate me, sue me, I don’t care. And no, I’m not bashing anyone or anything. I’m just saying what I’m feeling now.
Admit it, your world does NOT revolve only around your lover. You have your parents, siblings, and friends who have already loved you before your lover does (or even DID). Why would you want to take your own life just because of some stupid who leave you whenever he feels like doing? He isn’t even worth it!
What? You said I’m only ranting just because I’ve been left by my boyfriend?
LOL.
Sorry to disappoint you but I’ve NEVER had a boyfriend. And no, it’s not because nobody likes me either. Girl, stop making excuses cause you really should make up your mind.
Has it ever crossed your mind that when you’re crying your eyes out because of him like now, he’s probably flirting with another chick out there? No? Then think about it now.
But he said he loved me, you might say. He said he just needed time to think.
The keyword here is ‘loved’. Don’t you realize that it’s in past tense already?
Oh, about that ‘needed time to think’ thing, it’s just an excuse he use to soften the blow of ‘I’m bored of you so I don’t need you anymore. Now move your fat ass out of my face’.
Harsh much?
Yeah, but I think it’s a must. Especially when I’m confronting someone who doesn’t even want to acknowledge the truth just because it hurts more than anything in her imaginary world.
Romeo and Juliet is lame and Cinderella is nothing but a fairytale. No such luck in this world, dude. If you’re looking for a perfect love, you can never find happiness for your entire life.
Nobody is perfect.
Nothing is perfect.
Don’t force yourself to make everything to be what you want it to be. Let your life flows and be thankful for everything that you’ve already had. Man can only proposes, God disposes. He has a plan for each of His beloved children, don’t you know that?
When friends turn to foes and everything goes against, leaves, and disappoints you, He will never let go of your hand no matter what. He always forgives you when you confess, no matter how many times you’ve disappointed Him. Would your lover be willing to forgive your lies and fakes for the hundredth time? Is it not enough for you to see how much He loves you by His crucifixion? He’s already shed his blood at Golghota for you, now tell me, would your lover want to shed his blood for you? Or worse, why would you even want to shed your blood for your lover but NOT for YOUR FATHER? You should know the answer by know.
I don’t know whether I should be angry or sad because of this issue. I shouldn’t even bother to write things about it when I myself don’t even know what love really means.
One thing for sure, I’m not being a bitch; I’m just being rational and I hope you can think twice about love after you read this.
=)
Friday, September 11, 2009
Happy Birthday!! <3 <3
September isn’t usually my favourite month of a year. It’s just an ordinary one, just like the rest. But this year, it’s become pretty extraordinary, especially on Sept 8th and 9th. You see, I have friends, Stevanie and Yeyen, one of which happens to be my best friend. Those are their birthdays. Each year, we usually only have some girls night out to celebrate them. It’s either on 8th or 9th, depends on our mood.
It started when Stev’s boyfriend, Erik, called me on September 2nd. He was planning on throwing a surprise birthday party for his lovely girlfriend. It would only be a small one cause he didn’t have that much money to make a big one. Plus, he didn’t wanna cause a chaotic afterparty. How sweet of him…
=)
Then I told him bout 9th being Yeyen’s birthday and we celebrating them at once. So why not make it for both of them, he suggested. He then asked me to call some of our close friends cause it was impossible for us to do it by ourselves. So I called Mey, and only her cause we’re their closest friends when we were in senior high school. Yes, we aren’t that close anymore, if you ask, since we became university students for each of us chose different majors (I’m in English Education, Mey’s in PE, Stev’s in Economics, and Yeyen’s in IT). But we keep in touch and pay a visit to each other’s house every once in a while.
But then I decided to ask Yeyen’s boyfriend, Xiang ( yes, he’s a Chinese =), to join our lil secret plan. Since I didn’t have his number and Mey did, I told Mey to ask Xiang about it. Long sory short, he said he did want to join as long as we didn’t make a ‘mean drama’ (what are we—Drama Queens?? *insert rolling eyes here*).
So on 5th we decided to discuss it furthermore at Mey’s house. That was the first time I met Erik since we graduated from elementary school eight years ago or so. Yes, he was my classmate back then. Such a long time, huh? But that’s not the surprising part. What shocked me was he’s already fallen in love with Stev since he came to our school! He was a transfer student when we were in 4th grade. I never ask him bout it but I believe she’s his first love. How sweet…
XD
It was a bit awkward at first but soon we were having a fun discussion. In the middle of our discussion, Xiang texted Mey, telling that he couldn’t join us cause he had something important to do. We didn’t mind since three people were enough to accomplish our not-so-impossible mission. Erik then asked us to make a survey of the prices of birthday cakes in bakery shops. I told you, we—or more like HE—didn’t have THAT MUCH money and that wasn’t including the birthday presents. That’s why we had to make it as efficient as we could.
We decided three shops in mind but ended up coming to only two of them since the last one didn’t even display any birthday cake in its display case. Erik said a blackforest would be great so we asked about it only. When I texted him the prices later that night, he seemed shock. He then texted me back, telling that he had to think twice bout it. No wonder, they were BLACKFOREST. I would just make a doughnut as her birthday cake if I were him.
Mey got her present for Yeyen that day while I didn’t but anything. I already got this cute bracelet in mind to give to Yeyen. I ordered it from my friend’s acquaintance. But when ask my friend bout it again, she said her friend didn’t have the ‘Y’ letter. That meant I had to find another thing to give as a present.
While waiting for Erik’s decision, I spent the whole afternoon on Sunday, looking for some things that I could give as birthday presents for Stev and Yeyen. The great thing was I’ve got nothing. I was so desperate that I contemplated giving them only some snacks since we’re the type of people who prefer food to fashion.
-_-;
At night, Erik texted me. He wanted to have another discussion at the same place tomorrow. Since I had classes from 1.30 till 5 P.M., I told him that I only had a free time in the morning and after my classes finished. He chose the last option and so I told Mey about it, asking if we could come to her house around that hour, in which we could.
The next day, after waiting for some time at campus and none of our lecturers seemed to come, I decided to give another try to find their birthday presents. I ended up with a cross on a necklace and some bookmarks for Yeyen’s bible in hand. I then texted Erik that I didn’t have any classes today so I came earlier. It was around 3 when he texted me that he needed another hour or so cause he was installing his friend’s computer. When he came later, we continued our discussion. Mey told us that we couldn’t include Yeyen in the birthday party cause she had classes the next night. It was officially a surprise birthday party for Stev then. I ask Mey to text Xiang, telling him that he didn’t have to join us anymore since it was no longer for her girlfriend. We also asked him not to tell Yeyen about our previous plan. We didn’t want to disappoint her. After that, we immediately went to the first bakery shop. Long story short, we got this bill in hand as a sign that we’d already ordered a birthday cake from that shop.
We still had some time so Mey and I decided to find our present for Stev since we didn’t have enough money to but it by ourselves, while Erik excused himself to go cause he had some occasion to attend. After searching for some time, we found our present along with some cute candles and wrapping paper.
The next night, I was the first one who came to the bakery shop. It was ahead of the time that we’d promised last night. I was getting more and more anxious cause none of them came to the shop. I even mistook this man who happened to be the customer for someone who work there!
If I could I would dig a hole, hide in there, and never come back to the surface again.
The time before 8.30 was chaotic. Let’s just say none of us were in our right minds. Oh and have I told you that Yeyen finally joined our mission?
=)
But we broke into happiness when we arrived at Stev’s house. She was crying when she saw we were coming. So sweet... We teased her all the time until the time we had to go home.
Erik had taken some pics at that precious time. I’ll think about how to show it to you later.
=)
I decided to come to Yeyen’s house early in the morning to give my present and had already set my alarm but when it went off in the morning, I just wanted to continue my sleep. I was reaaaaally exhausted cause I kept going out till late at night on the three previous nights. I’m easy to have a sleep deprivation if I didn’t get enough sleep and I hate it. It’ll always ruin my day.
>=8
I ended up sending her a text, wish her a happy birthday. It was only a three-word text and as expected, she didn’t reply it. She probably got angry with me and thought I did my best to celebrate Stev’s birthday but not for her, my own best friend. I decided to settle it later that noon before I go to campus. His father has this small store near my campus and she often works there in her free time. When I got there, her niece told me that she’d already gone to her campus.
Really, why is it so hard when it comes to giving a present?
No?
Well, it only works on me then.
I decided to come to her house after all my class finish. Thank God, none of our lecturers came just like the past days. When I got to her house, she was home and Mey was there too. I wondered if she’d already given her present to Yeyen. I approached them and said nothing when I gave it to Yeyen. She looked surprise. Mey, too.
Huh? I thought she’d already did it. But no, cause she then gave hers after a few moment.
Yeyen said that she WAS annoyed when she read my text and I just laughed. I told her the truth and she seemed to understand our exhaustion and my burning passion for sleep. Yes, you heard it right.
And that was it.
Pheww, I swear this is the longest blog I’ve ever posted! It took more than two pages of Words before I posted it here.
I hope Stev and Yeyen have had their memorable birthday.
=)
Now whose birthday may we celebrate next, hm?
Oh, my English isn’t perfect so corrections to my blog are welcome.
=D
Oh, my brother's just gone to the hospital. He got asthma attack because of the bad weather. Stupid smog!!
>=8
I hope he's gonna be alright. I'm going to the hospital now.
It started when Stev’s boyfriend, Erik, called me on September 2nd. He was planning on throwing a surprise birthday party for his lovely girlfriend. It would only be a small one cause he didn’t have that much money to make a big one. Plus, he didn’t wanna cause a chaotic afterparty. How sweet of him…
=)
Then I told him bout 9th being Yeyen’s birthday and we celebrating them at once. So why not make it for both of them, he suggested. He then asked me to call some of our close friends cause it was impossible for us to do it by ourselves. So I called Mey, and only her cause we’re their closest friends when we were in senior high school. Yes, we aren’t that close anymore, if you ask, since we became university students for each of us chose different majors (I’m in English Education, Mey’s in PE, Stev’s in Economics, and Yeyen’s in IT). But we keep in touch and pay a visit to each other’s house every once in a while.
But then I decided to ask Yeyen’s boyfriend, Xiang ( yes, he’s a Chinese =), to join our lil secret plan. Since I didn’t have his number and Mey did, I told Mey to ask Xiang about it. Long sory short, he said he did want to join as long as we didn’t make a ‘mean drama’ (what are we—Drama Queens?? *insert rolling eyes here*).
So on 5th we decided to discuss it furthermore at Mey’s house. That was the first time I met Erik since we graduated from elementary school eight years ago or so. Yes, he was my classmate back then. Such a long time, huh? But that’s not the surprising part. What shocked me was he’s already fallen in love with Stev since he came to our school! He was a transfer student when we were in 4th grade. I never ask him bout it but I believe she’s his first love. How sweet…
XD
It was a bit awkward at first but soon we were having a fun discussion. In the middle of our discussion, Xiang texted Mey, telling that he couldn’t join us cause he had something important to do. We didn’t mind since three people were enough to accomplish our not-so-impossible mission. Erik then asked us to make a survey of the prices of birthday cakes in bakery shops. I told you, we—or more like HE—didn’t have THAT MUCH money and that wasn’t including the birthday presents. That’s why we had to make it as efficient as we could.
We decided three shops in mind but ended up coming to only two of them since the last one didn’t even display any birthday cake in its display case. Erik said a blackforest would be great so we asked about it only. When I texted him the prices later that night, he seemed shock. He then texted me back, telling that he had to think twice bout it. No wonder, they were BLACKFOREST. I would just make a doughnut as her birthday cake if I were him.
Mey got her present for Yeyen that day while I didn’t but anything. I already got this cute bracelet in mind to give to Yeyen. I ordered it from my friend’s acquaintance. But when ask my friend bout it again, she said her friend didn’t have the ‘Y’ letter. That meant I had to find another thing to give as a present.
While waiting for Erik’s decision, I spent the whole afternoon on Sunday, looking for some things that I could give as birthday presents for Stev and Yeyen. The great thing was I’ve got nothing. I was so desperate that I contemplated giving them only some snacks since we’re the type of people who prefer food to fashion.
-_-;
At night, Erik texted me. He wanted to have another discussion at the same place tomorrow. Since I had classes from 1.30 till 5 P.M., I told him that I only had a free time in the morning and after my classes finished. He chose the last option and so I told Mey about it, asking if we could come to her house around that hour, in which we could.
The next day, after waiting for some time at campus and none of our lecturers seemed to come, I decided to give another try to find their birthday presents. I ended up with a cross on a necklace and some bookmarks for Yeyen’s bible in hand. I then texted Erik that I didn’t have any classes today so I came earlier. It was around 3 when he texted me that he needed another hour or so cause he was installing his friend’s computer. When he came later, we continued our discussion. Mey told us that we couldn’t include Yeyen in the birthday party cause she had classes the next night. It was officially a surprise birthday party for Stev then. I ask Mey to text Xiang, telling him that he didn’t have to join us anymore since it was no longer for her girlfriend. We also asked him not to tell Yeyen about our previous plan. We didn’t want to disappoint her. After that, we immediately went to the first bakery shop. Long story short, we got this bill in hand as a sign that we’d already ordered a birthday cake from that shop.
We still had some time so Mey and I decided to find our present for Stev since we didn’t have enough money to but it by ourselves, while Erik excused himself to go cause he had some occasion to attend. After searching for some time, we found our present along with some cute candles and wrapping paper.
The next night, I was the first one who came to the bakery shop. It was ahead of the time that we’d promised last night. I was getting more and more anxious cause none of them came to the shop. I even mistook this man who happened to be the customer for someone who work there!
If I could I would dig a hole, hide in there, and never come back to the surface again.
The time before 8.30 was chaotic. Let’s just say none of us were in our right minds. Oh and have I told you that Yeyen finally joined our mission?
=)
But we broke into happiness when we arrived at Stev’s house. She was crying when she saw we were coming. So sweet... We teased her all the time until the time we had to go home.
Erik had taken some pics at that precious time. I’ll think about how to show it to you later.
=)
I decided to come to Yeyen’s house early in the morning to give my present and had already set my alarm but when it went off in the morning, I just wanted to continue my sleep. I was reaaaaally exhausted cause I kept going out till late at night on the three previous nights. I’m easy to have a sleep deprivation if I didn’t get enough sleep and I hate it. It’ll always ruin my day.
>=8
I ended up sending her a text, wish her a happy birthday. It was only a three-word text and as expected, she didn’t reply it. She probably got angry with me and thought I did my best to celebrate Stev’s birthday but not for her, my own best friend. I decided to settle it later that noon before I go to campus. His father has this small store near my campus and she often works there in her free time. When I got there, her niece told me that she’d already gone to her campus.
Really, why is it so hard when it comes to giving a present?
No?
Well, it only works on me then.
I decided to come to her house after all my class finish. Thank God, none of our lecturers came just like the past days. When I got to her house, she was home and Mey was there too. I wondered if she’d already given her present to Yeyen. I approached them and said nothing when I gave it to Yeyen. She looked surprise. Mey, too.
Huh? I thought she’d already did it. But no, cause she then gave hers after a few moment.
Yeyen said that she WAS annoyed when she read my text and I just laughed. I told her the truth and she seemed to understand our exhaustion and my burning passion for sleep. Yes, you heard it right.
And that was it.
Pheww, I swear this is the longest blog I’ve ever posted! It took more than two pages of Words before I posted it here.
I hope Stev and Yeyen have had their memorable birthday.
=)
Now whose birthday may we celebrate next, hm?
Oh, my English isn’t perfect so corrections to my blog are welcome.
=D
Oh, my brother's just gone to the hospital. He got asthma attack because of the bad weather. Stupid smog!!
>=8
I hope he's gonna be alright. I'm going to the hospital now.
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